During this time of the year, I enjoy God’s pallet of water color tones among the trees here in the Midwest. Some of the reds, yellow, and oranges are so brilliant, I have to stop and allow my eyes to take it all in. The change of seasons come whether we like it or not, whether we are prepared or not. I think of stepliving as seasons of change.
There is a saying: “Two things are certain: Taxes and death”. I would add one more and that is “change”. It comes whether we like it or not and whether we are prepared or not. Within stepliving, there is always change and here are two areas to help.
One is avoiding expectations. We cannot change or control anyone, we can only do those things to ourselves. Expectations are in our mind and to project them on spouses or children/stepchildren, is setting ourselves up for frustration, disappointment, and even anger. We can plan, anticipate, hope for….which are more harmonious ways of thinking and living. Sometimes we just have to “let things go”. If we ponder situations, pray, and talk to our spouses about it, we’ll figure out if it’s worth letting go or fighting for.
The other is avoiding taking things personally. So many times in stepfamilies, especially for stepmoms (because we are nurturers and FEEL things so much), our efforts, time, and commitments often go unappreciated or unnoticed. It’s very difficult not to want to be valued for taking on this role. It’s difficult to be a stepdad and not be appreciated or respected for paying bills, providing a home, safety, food. I have found the best way for me to handle this emotion is to focus on Christ. If I do things for others in His Name, it takes the focus off of me and what I do….to focusing on loving and serving Jesus, because I know He loves me so much, He died for me!
Embrace the change, choose to enjoy the good changes and pray about the difficult changes. We are not alone. We have each other and we have God.