Step carefully – the kids

Lately I’ve had the issue of stepchildren cross my path in several ways. One of my most passionate reasons for this ministry is to speak with couples entering stepliving so they are not wearing emotional blinders or living in illusions or misconceptions. We believe because we are adults with experience, we have the answers and that the kids will just adjust and get used to everything. I know the issues of guilt I’ve carried over the years regarding my own sons and how I could have done things differently so that they weren’t catapulted emotionally because of what I thought was “the right thing to do” at the time. I desire to carry the message to couples from the lessons I learned, which is my saving grace….that God has chosen to use me and has bestowed gifts to me so that I am able to share, thus making those guilty feelings fade through helping others. Today’s question on my mind is when contemplating marriage that will create a stepfamily, ask yourself “why” you want to get married to this person who has children from a previous relationship or marriage.  If your only answer is that you “love and want to spend the rest of your life with this man or woman”…it isn’t enough. Children in a stepfamily need to know they are wanted, respected, accepted. The love exchange may or may not come with the children…that is an individual blessing between stepfamily members. But the display of love and affection from the adults to the children must be godly and constant. The children need examples of Christ in the people around them. Having their mom and dad torn apart by separation and divorce is devastating for them. Divorce and remarriage was not their choice. They need to know they are an important piece of the “why” you are marrying their parent. God bless you.     -dori:)

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